Forged in Frustration: Resilient's Sweet Spot

Join me as we travel back more than ten years to the beginning of one pivotal chapter in my career.

Resilience isn’t born in moments of perfect clarity or when everything goes according to plan. It grows in that space between clarity and confusion, often hovering dangerously close to the edge of giving up—but not quite going over.

Let me tell you about when I started what I thought would be a straightforward position at a small company.

The Long Leash That Changed Everything

I walked into that job with clear expectations. I had a job description, goals, and what I believed was a roadmap to success. But within weeks, reality hit. My supervisor handed me what I can only describe as "a long leash"—freedom that felt more like abandonment than empowerment.

"Figure it out," became the unofficial company motto directed at me.

So I did what anyone in my position would do: I wondered, I stumbled, and then I started building. I created systems where none existed. I solved problems that no one had defined as problems yet. I made things work, often through sheer will and countless iterations.

But here's what no one tells you about building in uncertainty—the trajectory wasn't clear. My position evolved daily, morphing into something unrecognizable from that original job description. And with that evolution came frustration. Deep, gnawing frustration that sometimes turned into resentment.

Why wasn't my path clearer? Why did I have to figure everything out myself? Why couldn't someone just tell me what success looked like?

The Builder's Paradox

Despite the frustration—or perhaps because of it—I kept going. I kept building. Every unclear directive became a chance to create clarity. Every gap in the process became an opportunity to design something better.

Years passed, and something remarkable happened. I became a leader.

My first instinct as a leader was to protect my team from what I had experienced.

I built comprehensive systems. I created detailed processes. I eliminated ambiguity wherever I found it. I thought I was giving my team the gift of clarity that I never had. I was wrong.

The Gift I Thought I Was Giving

In my eagerness to spare my team the frustration I had endured, I inadvertently robbed them of something precious: the opportunity to build their own resilience and confidence.

I watched as my well-meaning systems created employees who waited for direction instead of taking initiative. They looked to me for answers I had learned to find myself. They relied on processes instead of developing the problem-solving muscles that had made me who I was. I had eliminated their frustration, but I had also eliminated their growth.

The Revelation That Changed My Leadership

It hit me like a revelation: I wasn't the hero of this story. My job wasn't to be the person with all the answers. My role was to help others see that they could conquer challenges and create solutions themselves.

The frustration I had tried so hard to eliminate wasn't the enemy—it was the catalyst.

When an employee experiences genuine frustration with a problem or lack of clarity, and then creates something meaningful to address it, they develop ownership. They build value. They connect with their work in a way that no system, no matter how well-designed, can replicate.

Systems vs. Ownership

Don't misunderstand me—systems are amazing, needed, and incredibly important. They provide foundation and consistency. But an employee who develops entrepreneurial behavior, who builds ownership through experiencing and solving real frustrations, will outsell, outperform, and outlast any system you put in place.

This kind of employee doesn't just follow processes; they improve them. They don't just solve assigned problems; they identify problems others haven't seen yet. They don't wait for clarity; they create it.

The Resilience Sweet Spot

True resilience lives in that sweet spot between perfect clarity and complete chaos. It's built when we have just enough information to start, but not enough to finish without learning, adapting, and growing along the way.

When we give people everything they need upfront, we rob them of the journey. When we provide too little, we set them up for failure. But when we give them just enough rope to climb—not enough to get tangled, but enough to reach new heights—that's where resilience is born.

The Leader's New Mission

As leaders, our mission isn't to eliminate frustration—it's to calibrate it. To create environments where people can struggle productively, where they can experience the satisfaction of overcoming challenges they initially thought were beyond them. We need to resist the urge to swoop in with solutions. Instead, we should ask better questions. We should provide resources, not answers. We should create safety nets, not cages.

What I Know Now

Looking back on that decade-old frustration, I'm grateful for every unclear directive, every moment of uncertainty, and every time I had to figure it out myself. Those moments didn't just build my career—they built my character.

The resilience I developed in those early days of wondering and building has served me in every challenge since. It taught me that I could handle uncertainty, that I could create order from chaos, and that my ability to adapt and overcome was limitless.

Now, as a leader, my goal isn't to spare others from that journey—it's to guide them through it. To help them discover their own capacity to build, create, and overcome.

Because resilience isn't something you can give someone. It's something they have to build themselves, one frustrating, clarifying, growth-inducing challenge at a time.

The long leash that once felt like abandonment? It was actually the greatest gift I never knew I was receiving. And now, it's the greatest gift I can offer to others—with intention, support, and the wisdom that comes from having walked that uncertain path myself.

Embracing the Journey of Growth

As I reflect on my journey, I realize that every challenge was a stepping stone. Each moment of uncertainty was a chance to learn and grow. I encourage you to embrace your own journey. Recognize that the struggles you face can lead to profound growth.

When you encounter obstacles, ask yourself: What can I learn from this? How can I turn this frustration into an opportunity? This mindset shift can transform your approach to challenges.

Building a Culture of Resilience

To foster resilience in your team, consider creating a culture that values learning from failure. Encourage open discussions about challenges and mistakes. Share stories of your own struggles and how you overcame them. This transparency can inspire others to take risks and innovate.

Additionally, provide opportunities for skill development. Offer training sessions that empower your team members to tackle problems head-on. When they feel equipped, they are more likely to take initiative and build their own resilience.

The Ripple Effect of Resilience

Resilience isn't just an individual trait; it creates a ripple effect within organizations. When one person learns to navigate challenges, they inspire others to do the same. This collective resilience strengthens the entire team and fosters a culture of innovation.

As leaders, we have the power to cultivate this environment. By supporting our team members in their growth journeys, we contribute to a more resilient organization.

Conclusion: The Power of Intentional Leadership

In conclusion, my journey has taught me that leadership is not about having all the answers. It's about guiding others through their challenges and empowering them to find their own solutions.

As you navigate your own leadership path, remember the importance of resilience. Embrace the uncertainty, celebrate the struggles, and encourage growth. Together, we can create a culture where resilience thrives, and everyone has the opportunity to shine.